Careers

Dream Fucking Job

Ah, adulthood.

I remember strutting across that stage to retrieve that piece of paper. The piece of paper that symbolized the one thing we’d all been waiting for: freedom.

How exciting! Right?

Yeah…until a day, a week, or maybe a few months later when it hits you: what the hell do I do now?

If you’re anything like me, you have a list of things you DON’T want to do…

Veterinarian? Please. You think I want to be in school for 8+ years just to stick my hand through the threshold of a cow’s anus?

Teacher? I would, but at some point spanking respect and common sense into children became known as abuse instead of discipline. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t see timeout or detention really instilling obedience into these spoiled, outspoken kids.

Doctor? I don’t know about you, but anytime I see a wound on a human body I can PHYSICALLY feel their pain. Not good for time sensitive scenarios.

The list goes on and on…

But when it comes to what you DO want to do, the possibilities are endless…

What’s more important- happiness or a paycheck? Is it possible to have both? How do I know at the wee age of 20 (yes, I’ve been contemplating this for two years now) what the hell I like, am good at, or want to spend my life doing?

With school being as expensive as it is, I don’t want to waste my time getting a degree for something I’ll end up hating just as much as my minimum wage job. If I am going to be miserable I might as well not be in debt my whole life for it.

But, I need money! Minimum wage isn’t enough to travel, go to school, buy a house, anything that I’d like to do now or in the near future.

So, what are my options?

Stripping?

I mean, I already hate my job. At least someone would appreciate my efforts there! And hell, at least I can make a pretty penny doing SOMETHING.

But, I’m a nice young lady. With fucking morals.

So, if any of you have any tips, tricks, magic potions, or cures for what-the-fuck-do-i-do-with-my-life-syndrome…. let ya girl know.

Until next time,

Your catastrophic friend

Men · Relationships

Prince Charming

It seems to be a general assumption that girls all want a Prince Charming. A perfect boy to come sweep them off their feet.

Therefore, when a guy who is seemingly “perfect” comes along, and I don’t take the bait, people wonder what’s wrong with me. “He could be your Prince Charming,” they say. Or they make assumptions, saying that I’m only denying him because I’m “scared of relationships” or have trust issues, or my standards are too high because perfect guys really don’t exist and this one, well, he’s too good to let go!

Excuse me?? Who are you to say that a guy is right for me?

Just because he’s attractive, talented, and rich does not make him someone I want to spend my life with. Some girls might only require those things, but I have other priorities.

Just because he appreciates my sense of humor, thinks I’m the prettiest little thing in the northwest, and has similar interests as I does not mean I will automatically like him. You can have a lot in common with someone and still not enjoy their company.

Just because he’s the typical nice guy who’s madly in love with me, will treat me like a queen, and will wait years on end for me does not mean I will reciprocate those feelings. Loyalty and dedication only go so far if you’re completely incompatible.

It’s guys such as these that people think I’m turning away simply out of fear or unrealistic expectations. Perhaps a perfect man does not exist. But I don’t have time to deal with all the bullshit for a decent one. I’m gonna keep my high standards and wait for the “right” one.

And even if I don’t find him, I’ll be perfectly content with my simple, bullshit-free, Prince Charming-less life.

 

 

Men

Man Rant

Caution: May be insulting to those with a penis

Well, well, well. Where to begin? I could go on for days about my frustrations related to men and everything they are and do.

Although often considered the “superior” gender, I believe them to be far inferior to women mentally speaking. You can get them off their game by simply flashing a pair of tits in their face. They are so easily distracted by visual stimulants that they make poor, impulsive decisions based on physical desire alone. Anytime their little friend pops up, he’s in full control. Ha! What a joke.

And commitment? What’s that? They get bored and distracted so easily that they never stick with anything, and I’m not just referring to relationships. According to Fidelity Investment’s data, women are much better investors simply because they stick with their investments longer without making lots of risky trades.

Then there’s the question of whether men really are the emotionally detached gender. Women get the reputation for being clingy and emotional; however, in my experience men are way worse! If a dude has any sort of feelings for a girl, then he is automatically the more sensitive one. And to the guys who pretend not to have emotions- are you stupid? Do you not realize that emotions go farther than worry, depression, and low self-esteem? Anger is an emotion, joy is an emotion, irritation is an emotion. You clearly have no issue with those. So stop acting like a “man” who has no feelings. Psychopaths have no feelings. We don’t want to date a psychopath.

Well, folks, that’s all for now. Don’t worry, though. There’s plenty more where that came from.